I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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