How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
