shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
