We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
