well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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