her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize