dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
