One girl and one boy is just not enough.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
