I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
