dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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