If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
