Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
