Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
