I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
