so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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