I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
