....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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