is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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