you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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