Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
