Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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