this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
