i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
