you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
