And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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