Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
