Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize