I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
