Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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