Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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