so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
