Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
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Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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