you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
