Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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