eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
