Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
