Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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