I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
