I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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