She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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