I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
