i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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