Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
