I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
