I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
