She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she peed on how many people?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
