As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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