so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
