I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
