I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
