Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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