Duck Duck Cougar?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
