also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
