If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
