Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
