Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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