tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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