please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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