I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
