was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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