Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
