I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
