does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize