you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
