You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
