Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
