You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
