i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
