Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
